Sunday, January 3, 2010

New Year's Resolutions 2010:

1. One word: BODYSUIT

2. Finally get around to putting that "No Fat Chicks" bumper sticker on my car. I'm sick of all these fat chicks not knowing where I stand on this issue.

3. No excuses: get Ugly Kid Joe back together.

4. Take a picture of someone. Then, stare at them longer than the picture lasts.**

5. Become the first to literally eat someone out of house and home.

6. Cut down on doing more of fewer things less of the time.

7. Invent perverse sex acts with the following names:

Moons Over My Hammy

Federal Express

The Frowndango

Exploding Plastic Inevitable

The Twinkie Defense

The Fugue in A Minor


Making Ringtones

8. Somehow, someway become the subject of a "Hitler reacts to..." video.

9. Finally admit to the world: I let the dogs out.

10. Get it all sordid out.

** Note: this may take more than one year to complete.