tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-61772621833855740712024-03-13T05:57:57.944-07:00The Sneer of DestinyDave Cliffordhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15903378850898970171noreply@blogger.comBlogger38125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6177262183385574071.post-56902731341065543182014-03-21T14:37:00.000-07:002014-03-21T14:37:22.397-07:00"Twins" and the proto-truther warning<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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In honor of today’s date, 3/21/14 (3+2+1+1+4 = 11), I’d like to blow the lid off of a huge conspiracy. Those who know me well know that I like to blow lids off of things. Hey, can I see your coffee for a sec? Boom — no lid! And, the lid on this conspiracy is so massive, no conspiracy nut has ever dared make it public. Until now.</div>
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<b>The movie “Twins” was a proto-truther 9/11 insider’s warning! </b><br />
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<a href="http://www.movieposter.com/posters/archive/main/23/MPW-11840" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://www.movieposter.com/posters/archive/main/23/MPW-11840" height="200" style="-webkit-user-select: none;" width="131" /></a><a href="http://eviljwinter.files.wordpress.com/2008/09/twin-towers.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://eviljwinter.files.wordpress.com/2008/09/twin-towers.jpg" height="200" width="160" /></a></div>
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Twins = twin towers.</div>
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The character of Julius <b>Benedict</b> was played by <b>Arnold</b> Schwarzenegger = Benedict Arnold, famed traitor in the Revolutionary War. The twins were the result of a secret government experiment and were immediately hidden from their birth mother, Mary (<i>Mary</i>, mother of Christ). </div>
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The film’s adventure takes the twins to Los Alamos, New Mexico: site of the Manhattan Project and birthplace of the atomic bomb! (if you research it, “Manhattan” is another name for New York City)</div>
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The twin brothers fall in love with two sisters with the last name Mason. The Benedicts marry the Masons!</div>
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“Twins” was released December 9, 1988, TWO (twin) days after the anniversary of the <i>first</i> attack on U.S. soil, Pearl Harbor on December 7th, 1941. </div>
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The film grossed $11 million in its opening weekend. (The 9th + $11 million.)</div>
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Most important of all to note: there’s apparently a SEQUEL in the works, <i>Twins 2</i>. What exactly are they trying to warn us about this time?</div>
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Dave Cliffordhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15903378850898970171noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6177262183385574071.post-3147609168066967702013-04-01T12:17:00.000-07:002013-04-01T12:17:58.729-07:00Three kitsch obsessions that need to go away: <br />
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1) <a href="http://google.com/search?q=bacon&hl=en&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ei=zNtZUceoCaSCjALJ6ID4Bw&ved=0CAcQ_AUoAQ&biw=1138&bih=678" target="_blank">Bacon</a>.<br />
2) KISS.<br />
3) Zombies.<br />
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KISS fans: we get it. You like KISS. And, stuff made to look like members of KISS. Now give it a rest and listen to music that wasn't written for 8-year-olds.<br />
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Bacon fans: yup, bacon is tasty. You know what isn't tasty? Everything else flavored like bacon. Go eat your bacon in shamed silence.<br />
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Zombie fans: yes, the idea of a zombie apocalypse plays on our basest fears and instincts. But the zombie apocalypse is already here and you're one of them, mindlessly consuming every iteration of zombie pop culture.<br />
Dave Cliffordhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15903378850898970171noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6177262183385574071.post-55903349740577629002013-01-05T12:46:00.000-08:002013-01-05T12:46:38.689-08:00New Year's Resolutions 2013<br />
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These are a few days late, but only because there are a lot of things I want to improve. I hope you will support and encourage me in taking these steps:</div>
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<li style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px;">This year get really, really LinkedIn.</li>
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<li style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px;">Figure out how it's actually possible for people to "rock" an article of clothing. </li>
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<li style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px;">Convince the Make A Wish Foundation to change its name to Forever The Sickest Kids.</li>
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<li style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px;">Eat Saag Paneer with Greg Kinnear throughout the year. </li>
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<li style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px;">Play Pac Man with Frank Ocean. </li>
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<li style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px;">Finish my screenplay "The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe Malfunction."</li>
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<li style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px;">When calling people on the phone, no matter how mundane always start the conversation with, "are you sitting down?"</li>
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<li style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px;">Put Christ back into the Fourth of July.</li>
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<li style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px;">Wake up in a pool of my own awesomeness.</li>
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Dave Cliffordhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15903378850898970171noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6177262183385574071.post-11286139147829605712012-07-31T21:52:00.000-07:002012-07-31T21:52:49.304-07:00Are you on the Friends & Family Plan?<br />
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Are you on the Friends & Family Plan? I can't help thinking that a writer on this TV show was paying sly tribute to the star of the garbage dump. Compare:</div>
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Friends:</div>
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Family:</div>
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/tf4bdIokp3g" width="560"></iframe>Dave Cliffordhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15903378850898970171noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6177262183385574071.post-44725972707004880392011-12-19T00:06:00.001-08:002011-12-19T00:52:02.107-08:00A boy and his dog<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />Dave Cliffordhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15903378850898970171noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6177262183385574071.post-70283477788524563722011-06-17T17:24:00.000-07:002011-06-17T17:24:37.821-07:00The Cliffsetz Letter<div style="font-family: Helvetica;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-rP2tKa7BnGE/Tfvvt2POSrI/AAAAAAAAAi0/5oT8I7kNl-Y/s1600/DCbooth.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-rP2tKa7BnGE/Tfvvt2POSrI/AAAAAAAAAi0/5oT8I7kNl-Y/s1600/DCbooth.jpg" /></a></div><div style="font: 13.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 13.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">Bob Lefsetz is history. </div><div style="font: 13.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 15.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 13.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">But you all knew that, right? Sure, the Lefsetz Letter was fun, but who reads emails now? Major labels read emails -- and major labels aren't making money. </div><div style="font: 13.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 15.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 13.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">Look at Jeff "Skunk" Baxter. Onetime Doobie Brother, Steely Dan member and man with incredible facial hair. </div><div style="font: 13.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 15.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 13.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">Technology is important. Kids know that, fans of kids (NAMBLA) know that. Those who aren't using technology are not involved in the use of technology. It's as simple as that. </div><div style="font: 13.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 15.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 13.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">In the early 70s, I had a mustache. But I only had a mustache because mustaches were popular! They were cool and everyone grooving to the kick ass vibes the Doobies were putting down via the major labels was cool too. Nowadays, kids have mustaches to be funny -- like they don't even mean it. Just like technology. </div><div style="font: 13.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 15.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 13.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">Look at the shake weight. A whole bunch of them were sold. That makes the shake weight awesome!</div><div style="font: 13.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 15.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 13.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">One three sentence paragraph later, I'm over the shake weight. And, the shake weight itself is over. Why? Because it wasn't looking at the bottom line -- toning underarm flab. Sure, toning underarm flab was a thing women cared about back when men had serious mustaches. And, this new technology seemed just right for today's ironic underarm flab. But now it's all over. Because I said so. </div><div style="font: 13.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 15.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 13.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">So who wants to challenge me? </div><div style="font: 13.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 15.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 13.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">I'll just keep on writing Lefsetz Letters about the death of writing letters that challenge what I say. </div><div style="font: 13.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 15.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 13.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">Did you ever notice how one thing comes along, grows in popularity (thrives) and eventually dies? I haven't. But, I do want to be the Grim Reaper of trends. And technology. And mustaches. </div><div style="font: 13.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 15.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 13.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">MySpace. </div><div style="font: 13.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 15.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 13.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">"Takin' It To The Streets"</div><div style="font: 13.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><br />
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</div><div style="font: 13.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: small;">(If you're not familiar with the Lefsetz Letter: </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: small;"><a href="http://lefsetz.com/wordpress/">http://lefsetz.com/wordpress/</a></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: small;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: small;">)</span></div><div style="font: 13.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: small;"><br />
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</span></div></div>Dave Cliffordhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15903378850898970171noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6177262183385574071.post-30991877748321261292011-01-02T20:35:00.000-08:002011-01-02T20:47:04.367-08:00New Year's Resolutions 2011:<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></b></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">1. Finally get accepted into the <a href="http://www.google.com/images?client=safari&rls=en&q=%22bad+boy+club%22&oe=UTF-8&um=1&ie=UTF-8&source=univ&ei=wVMhTb7BBISWsgPM3LDUDA&sa=X&oi=image_result_group&ct=title&resnum=1&ved=0CCoQsAQwAA&biw=1177&bih=704">Bad Boy Club</a>.</span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">2. Figure out where babies come from. Then, start a hate group demanding that babies go back to where they came from and quit stealing our jobs!! </span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">3. Respond to every suggestion made to me thusly: However many awesome possums it takes to achieve said scenario. </span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">4. Successfully lobby the awarders of the Nobel Prize to finally, once and for all quit their passive-aggressive practices and include bells with their prize. I mean, what cheapskates!</span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">5. </span><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Get</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> </span><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">more</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> </span><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">fabulous</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">!</span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">6. Become known as "Dave Clifford: a flash mob of one."</span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">7. Create a new tincture blending spices from around the world; call it the Ethnic Cleanse. </span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">8. Improve categorization of the two-dimensional spatiotemporal power spectra of light scintillation in remote sensing of the upper troposphere. </span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">9. Start a <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=weNO9k1TXS0">book collection</a>. </span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">10. If the Bad Boy Club thing doesn't work out, at least get accepted into one of those car window decal families. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">( Bonus: 11. Embrace and enact my new motto, "all the world is my locker room.")</span></div><div><br />
</div>Dave Cliffordhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15903378850898970171noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6177262183385574071.post-57227465033768327102010-08-08T17:36:00.000-07:002010-08-08T17:36:13.889-07:00A man makes an intense discovery<object height="390" width="480"><param name="movie" value="http://www.xtranormal.com/site_media/players/jwplayer.swf"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><param name="flashvars"value="height=390&width=480&file=http://newvideos.xtranormal.com/web_final_lo/7a790e3c-a33d-11df-a825-003048d69c21_4_web_final_lo_web_finallo-flv.flv&image=http://newvideos.xtranormal.com/web_final_lo/7a790e3c-a33d-11df-a825-003048d69c21_4_web_final_lo_poster.jpg&link=http://www.xtranormal.com/watch/6892111&searchbar=false&autostart=false"/><embed src="http://www.xtranormal.com/site_media/players/jwplayer.swf" width="480" height="390" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" flashvars="height=390&width=480&file=http://newvideos.xtranormal.com/web_final_lo/7a790e3c-a33d-11df-a825-003048d69c21_4_web_final_lo_web_finallo-flv.flv&image=http://newvideos.xtranormal.com/web_final_lo/7a790e3c-a33d-11df-a825-003048d69c21_4_web_final_lo_poster.jpg&link=http://www.xtranormal.com/watch/6892111&searchbar=false&autostart=false"></embed></object><object height="390" width="480"><param name="movie" value="http://www.xtranormal.com/site_media/players/embedded-xnl-stats.swf"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.xtranormal.com/site_media/players/embedded-xnl-stats.swf" width="1" height="1" allowscriptaccess="always"></embed></object>Dave Cliffordhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15903378850898970171noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6177262183385574071.post-11394010812093049752010-07-23T00:12:00.000-07:002010-07-23T00:12:10.930-07:00The subtle poetry of the iPhone Google search...<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">One of the most amazing and interesting aspects of modern technology is the ability to access information anywhere you are at any time. Of course, the best parts are those drunken nights out with friends when a conversation leads you to seek answers to questions right then and there. Thankfully, the Google app on the iPhone keeps a handy archive of your searches.</span><br />
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</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Here is a list of my recent Google app searches (no joke, these are all real):</span><br />
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</div>Dave Cliffordhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15903378850898970171noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6177262183385574071.post-91764304199930020912010-06-26T16:25:00.000-07:002010-06-26T16:25:02.947-07:00The VSS Tour Diary - August 1995 - Part 1<div style="font: normal normal normal 16px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;"><b></b><br />
<b><div style="font: 15.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><b></b></div><b><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;">A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, I played drums in a band from Boulder, CO called <a href="http://myspace.com/thevssmusic">The VSS</a>. The band formed -- as the cliche of the era went -- "rising from the ashes" of <b>Angel Hair</b> in January 1995. I'd been on tour just a few times before, first in 1986 when my older sister drove my teenage band <b>Deviant Behavior</b> (none of us were old enough to drive) to play out of town in Salt Lake City, UT. Subsequent brief "tours" over the years lead to a yearning to explore and play every night. Luckily (perhaps), I liked to keep a journal of my daily life and relished creating specific journals for every tour. I continued this practice for several years, documenting every tour of my various bands until I finally tired of describing what I realized is an unchanging ritual of arrival, exploration, performing, getting drunk and moving on to the next town. </div><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 14px; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;">What follows is one of my journals from the second tour that <b>The VSS</b> embarked upon in August 1995. We'd toured the west coast in spring of that year, then concluded the trek from Colorado throughout the east coast in August, joined for much of it by our friends in <b>Bare Minimum</b>. This selection picks up in the second leg of tour... I believe the journal of the earlier tour has unfortunately been lost. Admittedly, a lot of this is largely uninteresting and peppered with inside jokes, but I do appreciate the honest glee of a young band discovering the world around them. I'd hope it's entertaining for anyone to read, but my main interest in posting this (and perhaps other tour journals) is to share it with those who were there, in our band, the bands we played with and longtime friends that we'd made some 15 years ago. </div><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><br />
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<b>The VSS Tour Diary - </b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px;"><b>August 1995 - Part 1</b></span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 12px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br />
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<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><b>08/03: </b>First day, late start out of Colorado, and yet Andy has been endued of the Coca-Cola company one free beverage of his choice. (See Andy's rendering, <a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_TqHSIUBQSnM/TCUUyphXL1I/AAAAAAAAAb0/UyqOYQaWSSc/s1600/img024.jpg">Appendix A, Fig. A</a>) The kids of Rapid City, most notably the boys, appear like scared puppies with slouched shoulders and "don't look at me" whimper-faces. No wonder the girls here seem spazzy and boisterous. </div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"> Ed Gein himself is seated inside the Atomic Cafe with each eye glued to separate corners of the room. Probably scouring for new skin masks. </div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><b>08/04:</b> Prior to our set in South Dakota, Wendy-o-Matic (or whatever) treated our guests to her Captain-Kirk-boldly-going-to-smash-patriarchy poetic stylings. It was "special." Our performance was somewhat shy of dousing the audience in napalm, perhaps more like dipping them in a rich toffee coating. Nonetheless, undaunted we forge forth in new states of consciousness -- as Josh discovers himself seer of myriad psychic blockades. Awakening while Andy drives, Josh says in a syrupy voice, "Andy… look… out" and gestures toward the "couch" he imagines in the road before us. Fortunately for the safety of us all, said couch was actually a truck equipped with 4 tires and a V-6 engine and keeping pace quite nicely, thank you. </div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"> By this morning, we've killed damn near a million little bugs and flagrantly displayed their irksome little carcasses on the windshield. We're like serial killer, deaf to the screams of such pitiful creatures and with disturbing schadenfreude, continue to wreak such misfortune.</div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"> As I write this, Bob Medina, road management associate, is wearing a rather unusual sunglass attachment on his glasses, making him look, how you say… goofy. (see <a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_TqHSIUBQSnM/TCUQhToXobI/AAAAAAAAAbk/SWSMYoNVNjE/s1600/img009.jpg">Appendix A, Fig. B</a>.) </div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><br />
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</div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">Todd is still sleeping, so I just can't make fun of him at this juncture. But opportunity is rife. </div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">We're racing to Champaign, IL by tonight and it's quite a haul. Perhaps it'll all pay off in a wealth of Polish sausage and bad accents. </div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><b>08/05: </b>Last night's show in Champaign, IL was wonderfuck. Ever the do-gooders that we are, our beneficence extended to further the cause of parrying white man's guilt and "liberate" a death row Black Panther from the assaultive, murderous U.S. legal system and its capitalist microwave oven world of tasty strudel buns that cook in seconds and have a delectably sweet frosting which glides across your tongue. Yes, assuring that none of us are free until we ALL are able to wear little round glasses and ponytails, until we ALL are of the understanding that what's mine is everyone else's and until we ALL hear Tracy Chapman and yelp, "yes, I've been a bad boy!" We played for a handful of folks -- some of whom regarded our performance as "phenomenal." Indeed.</div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"> On to further phenomena, this morning I bore witness to to the traumatic Great Peanut Butter Eruption of '95, which entails my jar of PB spilling all over the inside of our cooler. Eeeewww. Placing myself somewhat proximate to "the wagon" last night, we enjoyed beer, many of which Bob enjoyed "one." The friendly fellow on the porch waited for Braid pals to arrive. But as he sensed our insatiable need to drink HIS Schlitz, he decided to relocate. I believe it was downstairs. Sadly, his friends never arrived so that we could tell them he was downstairs. However, let the record show, the tweaker went downstairs with Schlitz. </div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><b>08/06:</b> Shi-KAAH-goo, IL. Fireside Bowl. The city was alive with rock action, but thankfully a warm fistful of folks came, watched and consumed goods. Probably even threw around words like "rad". Foo Fighers at the Metro, Flat Duo Jets at Lounge Ax, Laughing Hyenas at Empty Bottle and Braid at Fireside Bowl. Tough choices, but the kids knew -- Nathan Todd Corbett was in town. </div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"> We had Pad Thai and I flushed from niacin mixing with the spices and felt like absolute dogma. Today's journey involves a long drive to Pennsylvania and the house of Hughes. Since this Indiana highway is so well maintained I'm forced to stop writing for now. </div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><b>08/10:</b> After a 3 day rest stop at the Hughes compound for food, beer, movies and hi-fivin' jocularity, we're back in action. We went cliff jumping in a damp pile of algae. I sussed out and couldn't get myself to make the high jump. We did DC-Philly-back-again kicking' it smooth in the Boyz II Men style. I got a cymbal case and new 23" cymbal from Darren 454 whose vow to "set me up" came through. </div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"> Our show in Phillydelphia was wicked A. It was inside an old church in the pulsing, throbbing heart of the city. We played rather well, probably due to the dearth of fay-barette Oly-rock yawn-fest bands who played before us. My new makeup was pretty runny by the end. Andy is now carrying a comb to maintain his perfunctory coiffure. We sold a fair amount of stuff -- especially for a band with an invisible 7". Thanks Jeff. </div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"> Today, we're 100 miles and running for the burgeoning villa of Kane, PA. At least Los Crudos is also playing, so there may be a few persons in attendance. We don't mind if they're all related, as long as none of us are told we have a pretty mouth. Road production associate Medina has left with Patricia and Charlotte Kay, along with his fortune amassed in Colorado Krew compilations. </div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><b>08/11: </b>Nathan Todd Corbett, road companion associate, is resting oddly contorted & comfortable next to me, on his big fluffy, comfy pillow. Nathan seems either very sleepy or deeply contemplative of his lot in life. Mmmmmm… probably the former. (See Figure C, Appendix A for my artist's rendering.)</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_TqHSIUBQSnM/TCUSTIHevLI/AAAAAAAAAbs/j1L9f4soTCo/s1600/img027.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_TqHSIUBQSnM/TCUSTIHevLI/AAAAAAAAAbs/j1L9f4soTCo/s400/img027.jpg" width="332" /></a></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><br />
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</div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><b>08/12</b>: Fuck emo! We played a Food Not Bombs "benefit" with <b>Los Crudos</b> in Kane, PA. It turned out okay, but it was a harsh surprise to discover we'd driven all that way in order to just feel the joy in our hearts and the clumpy vegetarian spaghetti in our stomachs. Somehow, these kids haven't learned how to cook rice and spaghetti. It took them 4 hours to prepare. Less punk, more home economics. </div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"> Pittsburgh was also an unusual event. The show was at the VFW hall filled with drunken vets who seemed to honestly love The VSS. Oh, and Pittsburgh sucks. It's constructed atop a gigantic sweat gland, which accounts for its constant stench and dampness. There seem to be a wealth of "everything's cool, man" balding college dudes and "I'm sorry for breathing" emo kids. </div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><b>08/14:</b> The VSS "tone 'n' shape" program in the Long Island YMCA was a success with healthy minds and teen fitness buffs. The floor was bouncing up and down as we played, and my drums kept leaning over and bobbing to and fro, adding quick reaction to my workout regimen. Anyhoo… Todd doesn't stink (for now.) The van's running. We're gonna foray into the oblique maelstrom of NYC today for a look at their goodies and to administer good cheer to the lowly beings haunting her streets. Ayn Rand would be so displeased. The Chairman of the Board says he'll keep some cocktails chilled, and if we can make it there, we'll make it anywhere. Somehow, I'm not convinced. His data may be slightly skewed. </div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"> It's hot, yet fairly dry here… which is a nice change from Pittsburgh's spongy saturation. Perhaps one of the neighborhood children will see fit to open a fire hydrant upon the streets. Living archetypes, another in a series. </div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"> We seem very out-of-place in this NY-area scene, since so many of the kids dig the plod of mighty behemoth (see <a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_TqHSIUBQSnM/TCaKXBmOCGI/AAAAAAAAAcM/tP03Of0qNeU/s1600/img031.jpg">Appendix A, Fig. D</a>) and we sound like its eradicators (see <a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_TqHSIUBQSnM/TCaKXBmOCGI/AAAAAAAAAcM/tP03Of0qNeU/s1600/img031.jpg">Appendix A, Fig. E</a>). </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_TqHSIUBQSnM/TCaKXBmOCGI/AAAAAAAAAcM/tP03Of0qNeU/s1600/img031.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="366" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_TqHSIUBQSnM/TCaKXBmOCGI/AAAAAAAAAcM/tP03Of0qNeU/s400/img031.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">Alas, such is our lot. Tonight's show seems auspicious, however, for these crackling' rosies, we're bound for a hot August night. </div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><b>08/16: </b>We played last night at the <b>Rye Coalition</b> "last show till recess" drunkest, and pulled the damp performance of the year. T'was a sauna. The night before at John Hiltz's house wasn't as impressive save for Andy Lee Roth's glorious McTwist "launch" from his cabinets -- which was actually more like him kicking them over. The kids were "stoked". A post-set swim/clothes laundering in the pool was appropriate. Mssr Hiltz is indeed one fine fellow.</div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"> Anyhoo, back to Rye. In this seaside town, that they forgot to burn down -- Tom's River, NJ -- an amassing of effulgent and heat-emitting youth rendered the evening ass-kicking. Rye sounded quite stacked from upstairs, but it was way too hot and sweaty inside to venture downstairs for more than seconds at a time. Afterwards, we placed libidinous portions of spirits into our bodies with the overly liver-endowed <b>Bare Minimum</b>. I'm feeling just a bit hung-<span style="font: 12.0px 'Arial Unicode MS';">ü</span>ber after all the drinking damage incurred. Beginning with a harmless -- even accommodating -- 40oz. beer beverage, further steps presented their necessity upon imbibing the remains of Anthony's Crazy Horse malt. (See <a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_TqHSIUBQSnM/TCaLMAjn2yI/AAAAAAAAAcU/HcWbi_fatAc/s1600/img030.jpg">Appendix F, Figs. A & B</a>).</div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"> I added an oil can size Labatt's Ice to the ruction (see again <a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_TqHSIUBQSnM/TCaLMAjn2yI/AAAAAAAAAcU/HcWbi_fatAc/s1600/img030.jpg">Appendix F, Fig B</a>). However, the Bare Minimum mania for torture remained unsatiated. So, we concocted several cups of stomach-razor gin & juice (see <a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_TqHSIUBQSnM/TCaLMAjn2yI/AAAAAAAAAcU/HcWbi_fatAc/s1600/img030.jpg">Appendix F, Fig. C</a>). I must be retarded.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_TqHSIUBQSnM/TCaLMAjn2yI/AAAAAAAAAcU/HcWbi_fatAc/s1600/img030.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="366" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_TqHSIUBQSnM/TCaLMAjn2yI/AAAAAAAAAcU/HcWbi_fatAc/s400/img030.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><br />
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</div><div>To be continued...</div>Dave Cliffordhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15903378850898970171noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6177262183385574071.post-25669522251988690302010-06-15T14:59:00.000-07:002010-06-15T14:59:38.266-07:00Separated At Burnt?The "Touchdown Jesus" statue in Ohio that was hit by lightning and burned down to its inner structure seems to bear a strange resemblance to another prophetic martyr, no?<br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_TqHSIUBQSnM/TBf3JSBdlHI/AAAAAAAAAa0/rWKiYzQPjdU/s1600/t1larg-jesus.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_TqHSIUBQSnM/TBf3JSBdlHI/AAAAAAAAAa0/rWKiYzQPjdU/s320/t1larg-jesus.jpg" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_TqHSIUBQSnM/TBf3SEDq2xI/AAAAAAAAAa8/P9gSQtoZ5AE/s1600/short_circuit.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_TqHSIUBQSnM/TBf3SEDq2xI/AAAAAAAAAa8/P9gSQtoZ5AE/s320/short_circuit.jpg" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Before:</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_TqHSIUBQSnM/TBf254WFZ3I/AAAAAAAAAas/j_0EHGkVBe0/s1600/c1main.jesusbefore.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_TqHSIUBQSnM/TBf254WFZ3I/AAAAAAAAAas/j_0EHGkVBe0/s320/c1main.jesusbefore.jpg" /></a></div>Dave Cliffordhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15903378850898970171noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6177262183385574071.post-72770774589782896362010-03-13T15:55:00.000-08:002010-03-13T15:55:56.626-08:00What's the Status?<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">People of Earth, I give you a compendium of previous Twitter posts and status updates:</span><br />
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</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">You can make nearly anything sound gross just by putting the word "meat" in front of it.</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">I don't need a weatherman to tell me what time it is.</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">According to basic algebra, you have to be part of the problem to be part of the solution.</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">I'm building a homemade f-bomb.</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">I wonder if throughout history, just before the collapse of every successive civilization, everyone had their own DJ night. I know Nero did.</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">Cause of death is not yet unknown.</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">Is it true they got rid of the public health care option because of the controversial "mustache rides" clause?</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">Headline love: Arctic May Hold Twice the Oil Found There. ..Isn't that kind of like saying the unmeasured may be twice as big as estimated?</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">I'm reducing my cabrón footprint.</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 13.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">I wish there were a way for my pets to let me know they've had enough cocaine.</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">Phil Spector sentenced to 19 years and only 2 crazy wigs</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">Brushed and flossed like there's no tomorrow because I love surprises.</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">The hungover lawyer pleads mea gulpa.</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">Everybody likes hamburgers.</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">Logging on to MySpace is like waking up in a post-apocalyptic world that was destroyed by bad bands and Macy's giftcards.</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">I'm taking a cue from the cat world. Next time I go out to dinner and my food is being served, I'll headbutt the serving tray.</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">Latino dudes with "Playa" emblazoned on your car: are you declaring yourself a beach?</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">Does anyone have a good recipe for Humble Pie? I keep adding way too much dill weed.</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">This Pottery workshop is kiln it!</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">I just designed the most kick-ass 2013 Mayan calendar. Mayans, order them today!</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">Medicine is the best laughter.</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">Whoa! There was just not an earthquake! Did anyone just feel completely nothing happen?</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">I wonder, at what temperature do Kindle readers burn? Should we change Fahrenheit 451's title? Is the product's name befitting book burning?</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">Favorite accidental Zen typo of the day: "life is to short."</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">I just updated my faceplant status.</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">MTV and VH1 went from playing music 24-7 to only playing one note -- that middle-C swear-word bleep tone.</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">I've figured out that if you play Pink Floyd's "The Wall" album while watching "The Wall" it kinda totally syncs up.</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">What if the vegans were right all along? What then?</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">There are no stupid questions, only stupid needs for answers.</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">Live blogging my shower. Water is reaching good temp. About to go in.</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">In shower now. Phone getting ssteamy. Fhuds dff dgttyyh. Ffgdsth hhhg</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">Live showerr: iPhone harded to holbb than soappp. Fjhg. Hhhuurr?</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">Two words that just don't sound good together: food truck.</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">Tonight on 'Everybody Loves Raydiohead' it's a very special episode of the watch what you want sitcom. Thom attempts to jump Los Angeles.</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">I'm thinking about trying out for Jay Reatard's band. Mainly because I'm curious if the audition process involves a golden shower.</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">Forget spirit animals. I want to know: what is my airbrushed t-shirt animal?</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">Totally killing it at this brunch.</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">The Balloon Boy reality show has an exciting new spinoff: Jail Dad.</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">I have 265 Google Search invites. Who wants one?</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">I wonder if Adobe sent its employees pink slips as PDF attachments.</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">Remember to vote Yes on "No to Anti-Affirmative Negation" reinstatement reform.</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">We Were Promised Fanny Packs. <a href="http://twitter.com/search?q=%23BandNamesForBands">#BandNamesForBands</a></div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">Haven't seen any sloganeering to the contrary lately, so I'm gonna assume that mean people no longer suck.</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">Psychic vision number 1274: Eric Clapton farts, then leans into it, waving the aroma gently to his face.</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">What's wrong with kids today? Why isn't there a retro-90s British hipster dance band called The Fanny Packers?</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">Wet Clean Up In Aisle Me. <a href="http://twitter.com/search?q=%23potentialselfhelpbooktitles">#potentialselfhelpbooktitles</a></div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">Mark my words: Joe Piscipo is going to sweep the Oscars tonight! </div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">Is my cat vomiting everywhere disgusting, or is she just 'establishing her brand'?</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">Applebees: two great tastes that don't taste so good together. What's the secret to their success?</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">I CAN'T WAIT TO NOT WATCH THE OSCARS! I've got not-watching-the-Oscars fever!</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">Jokes about the Big Bang: too soon?</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">Still makes me giggle every time I see the misspelling: Sid Viscous</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">I'm going to address the elephant in the room, and tell it to stop painting those stupid self-portraits.</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">Awesome! I totally wanted to get some new plants: <a href="http://molestationnursery.com/">http://molestationnursery.com</a></div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">I'm not so much a nervous wreck as a nervous fender bender.</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">Why do I hate Microsoft software? Because I don't believe in Wizards.</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">Racking my brain trying to remember which episode of the Fresh Prince of Bel Air that Fugazi played on.</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">I hate being called "boss" by convenience store clerks. If it's necessary to be sycophantic, let's go with "Your Majesty."</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">Yo, birds! I'm sick of cutting up 6-pack plastic rings into bite-sized pieces. Chew your own meals... I don't see you teaching us to fly.</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">Wondering... is my name too ethnic sounding?</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">I repeat: Tim Burton, please just give it a rest. We get it. Fairytales are creepy; hold on to our childlike sense of wonder. Duly noted.</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">Ah, Super Bowl Sunday -- the #1 day of the year that false statistics are at their peak.</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">I didn't realize not letting the sun go down on me was an option. LA neighbors, nighttime is cancelled starting today.</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">That one day everyone refers to as "back in the day" must've been pretty crazy. LIke a Big Bang of stuff being better than now.</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">I will always have a soft spot in my heart for blood.</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">Not one film exec has green lighted my idea for a new 3D blockbuster: BENATAR</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">One of these days, training this cat to make me pancakes is going to pay off.</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">Someone named Purchase Viagra is really making a stand in the petition to save Clifford's Tower in York, UK. <a href="http://www.cliffordstower.com/">http://www.cliffordstower.com/</a></div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">The three certainties in life: death, taxes and fake Coachella poster "leaks"</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">Please join me in squirting out a packet of Fire sauce today in memory of Taco Bell founder Glen Bell Jr.</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">Live Faust, die Jung.</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">Home schooling is killing the schooling industry.</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">Home eating is killing the restaurant industry.</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">Has anyone tried this crazy drug that all the celebs are doing called Natural Causes? It sounds dangerous.</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">Don't tase me, bro!</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">Apparently my cat doesn't like it when I sing "Who Let The Dogs Out" in her face.</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">I'm DJing tonight @ home. Sit at your place and imagine what I'm playing. I'll be having drink specials from 7 to 10:30, and 10:31 to 2am.</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">Everything comes in waves. Particularly the ocean.</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">I'd like to see the Family Circus map of last night's events.</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">Let's face it, gents. We'll never be as cool as Keith Richards.</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">Tonight on Dexter: Dexter fears that he's going to be caught. Sister gets involved with the wrong guy.</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">Previously on Dexter: Dexter fears that he's going to be caught. Sister gets involved with the wrong guy.</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">The script for Dexter Season 5 has leaked: Dexter fears that he's going to be caught. Sister gets involved with the wrong guy.</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">I've been hired to write Season 6 of Dexter. Spoiler alert: Dexter fears that he's going to be caught. Sister gets involved with a guy.</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">Forget spirit animals. I want to know: what is my airbrushed t-shirt animal?</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">In the future everyone will be rumored dead for 15 minutes. ... And then eventually dead forever.</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">Today's Charlie Watts drum fill: duuunnka duuunnnka duuuunnka.... pssssshhhhhhh.</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">Instead of taking anti-oxidants, I'm quitting oxygen.</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">"Couldn't agree more" is just a stupid way of saying "I agree." "Couldn't care less" is a stupid way of saying "I don't care."</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">Is it possible to be sensibly in favor of Coco Puffs, or do you have to go the whole "crazy" route?</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">Tonight on 'Everybody Loves Raydiohead' it's a very special episode of the watch what you want sitcom. Thom attempts to jump Los Angeles.</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">Two words that just don't sound good together: food truck.</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">Seriously: some stuff. Rigorous. Stuff.</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">I cut myself shaming.</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">Alchemist humor: he who smelt it, dealt it.</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">1 cross + 3 nails = 4-ensics.</div><div style="font: 11.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 13.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">Sometimes I have nightmares that all those piccolo snares from the 90s are chasing me.</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">There are no stupid questions, only stupid needs for answers.</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">I love anthropomorphized natural phenomena: “This is a very angry fire." -- LA County Fire Deputy. <a href="http://bit.ly/MZmda">http://bit.ly/MZmda</a></div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">So proud I can say that I'll be playing a show with Danzig. TIme to stock up on Milk Duds and ice water.</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">Tonight's moment of typo-Zen: "letting the excitement run lose."</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">Media people: can we collectively find a better word than "leaks"? ...how about dribbles?...sprinkles? ... wafts?</div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div>Dave Cliffordhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15903378850898970171noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6177262183385574071.post-82599343505721198532010-03-13T15:40:00.000-08:002010-03-13T16:03:11.897-08:00Trending Topics<div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Fail Whale works in progress...</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><a href="http://twitter.com/cliffoda">#TonedDownSlogans</a></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Corporate Rock Still Exists</span></div><div><div style="font: normal normal normal 13px/normal 'Lucida Grande'; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We Shall Come Over</span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 13px/normal 'Lucida Grande'; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Fifty-Four-Forty or Thirty-Nine or Something Nearby</span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 13px/normal 'Lucida Grande'; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Want Milk?</span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 13px/normal 'Lucida Grande'; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Yes We Could</span></div></div><div><div style="color: #424242; font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; line-height: 15.0px; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><a href="http://twitter.com/search?q=%23rockbandwines"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">#rockbandwines</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Mission of Burgundy </span></div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Meadtallica </span></div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Del Chenin</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Nick Cava & the Bad Meads </span></div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Lambrusco of God</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Rebels & Zinfandels </span></div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Otis Riesling </span></div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Merlot Haggard </span></div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"></div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><a href="http://twitter.com/cliffoda"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">#BlackFlagChristmas:</span></a></div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The Process of Nogging Out</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Spray Deck the Halls</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Annihilate This Wreath</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Beat My Sled Against Yule Log</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Everything Went Red & Green</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">White Menorah-ty</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My Yules</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Damaged 1 (No Returns)</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Wreath Above</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Frosty & Mistletoe</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Jingle Bell-Us Again</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You Bet We've Got Something Personal Against You, Santa!</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I Won't Regift Any of You Unless and Until I Can Regift All of You</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Elf's Eyes</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Slip It In (The Stocking)</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><a href="http://twitter.com/cliffoda">#RockBandHealthcare</a></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Death Panel for Cutie</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Public Option, Ltd.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Medtallica</span><br />
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</div></div>Dave Cliffordhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15903378850898970171noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6177262183385574071.post-42154744346588364782010-02-02T22:33:00.000-08:002010-02-02T22:40:33.132-08:00Mellow Metal<div><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial">The time is right, the time is now: Easy listening metal:</p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial; min-height: 15.0px"><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial">Screaming For Vangelis</p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial; min-height: 15.0px"><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial">Ride The Lightfoot</p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial; min-height: 15.0px"><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial">Barry Manowar</p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial; min-height: 15.0px"><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial">Bach In Black</p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial; min-height: 15.0px"><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial">...Anne Murray For All</p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial; min-height: 15.0px"><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial">Blizzard of Osmonds</p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial; min-height: 15.0px"><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial">Seasons In The ABBA</p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial; min-height: 15.0px"><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial">Shout At the Don Ho</p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial; min-height: 15.0px"><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial">At Warwick with Satin</p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial; min-height: 15.0px"><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial">Humperdincking The Chapel</p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial; min-height: 15.0px"><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial">Percyful Faith</p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial"><br /></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial"><br /></p></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Dave Cliffordhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15903378850898970171noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6177262183385574071.post-50692962486832084512010-01-03T15:28:00.000-08:002010-01-03T15:29:31.695-08:00New Year's Resolutions 2010:<p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica">1. One word: BODYSUIT</p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica">2. Finally get around to putting that "No Fat Chicks" bumper sticker on my car. I'm sick of all these fat chicks not knowing where I stand on this issue.</p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica">3. No excuses: get Ugly Kid Joe back together. </p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica">4. Take a picture of someone. Then, stare at them longer than the picture lasts.**</p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica">5. Become the first to literally eat someone out of house and home. </p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica">6. Cut down on doing more of fewer things less of the time. </p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica">7. Invent perverse sex acts with the following names: </p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span>Moons Over My Hammy</p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span>Federal Express</p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span>The Frowndango</p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span>Exploding Plastic Inevitable</p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span>The Twinkie Defense</p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span>The Fugue in A Minor</p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span>Microblogging</p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span>Making Ringtones</p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica">8. Somehow, someway become the subject of a "Hitler reacts to..." video. </p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica">9. Finally admit to the world: I let the dogs out. </p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica">10. Get it all sordid out.</p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><i>** Note: this may take more than one year to complete. </i></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><br /></p>Dave Cliffordhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15903378850898970171noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6177262183385574071.post-66325105781745992782009-07-19T12:32:00.000-07:002009-07-19T12:54:05.943-07:00It's Terminal<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_TqHSIUBQSnM/SmN5jXSfFlI/AAAAAAAAAME/jBB4V_k7DUc/s1600-h/scientific-method-7.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 231px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_TqHSIUBQSnM/SmN5jXSfFlI/AAAAAAAAAME/jBB4V_k7DUc/s320/scientific-method-7.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5360261629954954834" /></a>Dave Cliffordhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15903378850898970171noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6177262183385574071.post-85094885802641887962009-06-18T12:10:00.000-07:002009-06-18T12:14:52.298-07:00How Goth is That?<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_TqHSIUBQSnM/SjqR4hxOpzI/AAAAAAAAALc/jBhOyZvpUMU/s1600-h/daveCathCity01.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_TqHSIUBQSnM/SjqR4hxOpzI/AAAAAAAAALc/jBhOyZvpUMU/s320/daveCathCity01.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5348747907779438386" /></a>For once and for all, I am not goth. Perhaps this may help clear up any misconceptions.<br /><br /><div><div><br /></div></div>Dave Cliffordhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15903378850898970171noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6177262183385574071.post-59143351073117878262009-06-11T18:13:00.000-07:002009-06-11T18:23:49.352-07:00"Yes, they're real"<div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;">I think, yeah, this is probably the best headline ever:</span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Air Force pounds MILF lairs with rockets.</span></b><br /></span><div><br /></div><div><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 328px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_TqHSIUBQSnM/SjGsHvVI7kI/AAAAAAAAALM/VP5g9FtgCtg/s400/Picture+4.png" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5346243481629683266" /></div></div><br /><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><br /></span><a href="http://www.philstar.com/Article.aspx?articleId=475584&publicationSubCategoryId=63">http://www.philstar.com/Article.aspx?articleId=475584&publicationSubCategoryId=63</a>Dave Cliffordhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15903378850898970171noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6177262183385574071.post-84792757918856441232009-06-05T19:39:00.000-07:002009-06-05T19:42:16.131-07:00Fine Dining<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_TqHSIUBQSnM/SinXJ5kLnlI/AAAAAAAAAKk/iNFu6c2Lico/s1600-h/Picture+1.png"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 239px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_TqHSIUBQSnM/SinXJ5kLnlI/AAAAAAAAAKk/iNFu6c2Lico/s320/Picture+1.png" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5344038997923176018" /></a><br />Has anyone ever eaten here?Dave Cliffordhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15903378850898970171noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6177262183385574071.post-38805006005237776372009-06-04T00:24:00.000-07:002009-06-04T00:29:42.848-07:00More Headline LoveWow, the life/death counterbalance in this headline alone is quite impressive:<br /><br /><a href="http://www.cnn.com/2009/WORLD/asiapcf/06/03/briton.trial.laos/index.html?eref=rss_topstories">Pregnant woman gets life for drug smuggling</a>Dave Cliffordhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15903378850898970171noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6177262183385574071.post-87944099883201057302009-05-19T20:52:00.000-07:002009-05-19T21:34:51.720-07:00Pre-Teen Nightmares<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; ">Why aren't music videos freakishly surreal insanity-vignettes anymore? This video used to give me nightmares. Watch this video and imagine being 11-years-old at home alone on a Friday night around midnight:</span><br /><br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/3n3MbVoLYns&hl=en&fs=1"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/3n3MbVoLYns&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br /><br />Watching that video was what I thought it was like to do acid. <br /><br />Another video that added to my early psychosis was this li'l gem. Unfortunately, embedding is disabled, so you have to click the link. I know how we all hate such grueling physical labor, but it's worth it:<br /><br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rs1_NQrgZ8w">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rs1_NQrgZ8w</a>Dave Cliffordhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15903378850898970171noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6177262183385574071.post-18487397416241842782009-05-17T13:58:00.000-07:002009-05-17T14:13:07.349-07:00I Think I Speak For All of Us on This One...<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_TqHSIUBQSnM/ShB6ydCKO-I/AAAAAAAAAJo/-BszeqO0MOI/s1600-h/IMG_0647.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 300px; height: 400px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_TqHSIUBQSnM/ShB6ydCKO-I/AAAAAAAAAJo/-BszeqO0MOI/s400/IMG_0647.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5336900565639773154" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_TqHSIUBQSnM/ShB6yMN4WdI/AAAAAAAAAJg/PD8AZ7YBm3Q/s1600-h/IMG_0646.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 300px; height: 400px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_TqHSIUBQSnM/ShB6yMN4WdI/AAAAAAAAAJg/PD8AZ7YBm3Q/s400/IMG_0646.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5336900561125530066" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://drums-percussion.musiciansfriend.com/product/Pearl-Anarchy-Cowbell?sku=446795">http://drums-percussion.musiciansfriend.com/product/Pearl-Anarchy-Cowbell?sku=446795</a><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_TqHSIUBQSnM/ShB9RhFBQeI/AAAAAAAAAJw/wXe5PAE8Onc/s1600-h/Picture+4.png"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 232px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_TqHSIUBQSnM/ShB9RhFBQeI/AAAAAAAAAJw/wXe5PAE8Onc/s400/Picture+4.png" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5336903298324709858" /></a>Dave Cliffordhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15903378850898970171noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6177262183385574071.post-15954765156495683742009-05-17T13:48:00.001-07:002009-05-17T13:57:57.896-07:00How To Rekindle Your Love of Life:<div style="text-align: center;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Step One: Homemade breakfast burrito.</span></span></b></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_TqHSIUBQSnM/ShB4rbFb5WI/AAAAAAAAAJA/5jh9VOOoeCQ/s320/IMG_0648.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5336898245834302818" /></div><div><br /></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_TqHSIUBQSnM/ShB4rpmIByI/AAAAAAAAAJI/Kc2ol7dYDFA/s1600-h/IMG_0651.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_TqHSIUBQSnM/ShB4rpmIByI/AAAAAAAAAJI/Kc2ol7dYDFA/s320/IMG_0651.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5336898249729509154" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_TqHSIUBQSnM/ShB4rlsVtbI/AAAAAAAAAJQ/wm8nM3heJr4/s1600-h/IMG_0652.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_TqHSIUBQSnM/ShB4rlsVtbI/AAAAAAAAAJQ/wm8nM3heJr4/s320/IMG_0652.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5336898248681829810" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_TqHSIUBQSnM/ShB4ryTUVoI/AAAAAAAAAJY/pi7hihG2b8E/s1600-h/IMG_0654.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_TqHSIUBQSnM/ShB4ryTUVoI/AAAAAAAAAJY/pi7hihG2b8E/s320/IMG_0654.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5336898252066543234" /></a>Dave Cliffordhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15903378850898970171noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6177262183385574071.post-48709138806215986192009-05-09T14:41:00.000-07:002009-05-09T15:17:58.686-07:00Quality Control<div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><div style="text-align: center;">Cliffoda Quality Control Department issues internal statement regarding being at a bar on a work night:</div><div><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 300px; height: 400px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_TqHSIUBQSnM/SgX_uM64akI/AAAAAAAAAI4/NpdvJx4gsBA/s400/IMG_0610.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5333950502897478210" /></div><div><br /></div>Here's a bizarre recent IM exchange with Earthlink customer support. One day I found that I couldn't log on to my email account because my password had been changed. No one from Earthlink had notified me that they were changing my password for me. Apparently, I was supposed to receive a confirmation email of my new password... being sent to the email address to which I couldn't log in "informing to there" customer of this change.</span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;">Let's see how my new pal, Sergio H of Earthlink explains the matter:<br /></span><br /><b>Sergio H:</b> Thank you for the account verification information. I was able to verify your account.<br /><b>Sergio H:</b> If I view the password in our database, you will receive an email stating that an EarthLink representative has viewed your password. Do I have the permission to view your password?<br /><b>cliffoda:</b> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#FF0000;">yes</span><br /><b>Sergio H:</b> The password for the email address cliffoda at earthlink.net is *****<br /><b>cliffoda:</b> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#FF0000;">huh?</span><br /><b>cliffoda:</b> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#FF0000;">is this a new password generated by you?</span><br /><b>Sergio H:</b> The password was changed by our abuse department automatically in order to protect your account from spammers.<br /><b>Sergio H:</b> EarthLink will not change the password without informing to there customers.<br /><b>cliffoda:</b> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#FF0000;">no one informed me of that</span><br /><b>Sergio H:</b> It was changed automatically by our abuse department.<br /><b>Sergio H:</b> So that you will not face the issue in future with spammers.<br /><b>cliffoda:</b> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#FF0000;">those two sentences make no sense</span><br /><b>cliffoda:</b> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#FF0000;">EarthLink will not change the password without informing to there customers.</span><br /><b>cliffoda:</b> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#FF0000;">It was changed automatically by our abuse department. </span><br /><b>cliffoda:</b> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#FF0000;">???</span><br /><b>Sergio H:</b> Yes.<br /><b>cliffoda:</b> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#FF0000;">why didn't the abuse department notify me?</span><br /><b>Sergio H:</b> That is correct.<br /><b>Sergio H:</b> As the password is changed you will receive confirmation email from abuse department.<br /><b>cliffoda</b>:<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#FF0000;"> oh really? And when would I receive that email... not to mention HOW would I receive it if I can't log into my account?</span><br /><b>Sergio H:</b> As the password is changed now, you will receive the confirmation email within 12 to 24 hours.<br /><b>cliffoda:</b> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#FF0000;">you're not answering my question</span><br /><b>Sergio H:</b> Now you can login to your email account as you have the correct password.<br /><b>cliffoda:</b> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#FF0000;">so, the password that I've used for nearly 10 years was changed for me, without notifying me whatsoever. I am supposed to contact Earthlink support in order to find out that you changed my password for me?</span><br /><b>Sergio H:</b> As the password is changed you will receive the error message regarding password incorrect.<br /><b>Sergio H: </b>You can also check the password by login to My Account page.<br /><b>cliffoda:</b> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#FF0000;">ahem... LOGIN</span><br /><b>cliffoda:</b> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#FF0000;">how would I check the password IF I COULDN"T LOG IN?!?</span><br /><b>Sergio H: </b>Yes.<br /><b>Sergio H:</b> I am sorry for the confusion.<br /><b>cliffoda:</b> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#FF0000;">why was I not allowed to change my own password to protect me from spammers?</span><br /><b>Sergio H:</b> I am sorry as EarthLink donot change the password manually, it was done by abuse department, and once you receive the confirmation email from abuse department, they will specify all the reason how and when exactly they have to change the password.<br /><b>cliffoda:</b> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#FF0000;">Funny. What if I hadn't contacted the support center to find this out? This "confirmation email" would've gone to the account to which I couldn't log in. This is like the phone company turning off my phone and telling me that I'll get a confirmation phone call in 24 hours letting me know that it's turned off.</span><br /><b>Sergio H:</b> I apologize for the inconvenience this may have caused you.<br /><b>Sergio H:</b> Let me know if you have any further queries for me to be resolved.<br /><b>cliffoda:</b> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#FF0000;">nope.</span><br /><b>cliffoda:</b> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#FF0000;">it's been a blast Sergio.</span><br /><br /></div>Dave Cliffordhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15903378850898970171noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6177262183385574071.post-16613673617176556512009-04-05T17:21:00.000-07:002009-04-23T23:23:29.661-07:00Image Search<div style="text-align: center;">Sometimes, some of the most seemingly prosaic and banal things can offer some of the most entertaining distractions. Case in point, the Google Image Search. Try whatever random words or phrases that come to mind, try your own name (make sure you have "safe search" turned off) -- most of the time, the results can be truly magnificent. Here are a few of my favorites:</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_TqHSIUBQSnM/SdlQRSuY0lI/AAAAAAAAAHQ/G2ZCG8a8qXQ/s320/Picture+10.png"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 178px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_TqHSIUBQSnM/SdlQRSuY0lI/AAAAAAAAAHQ/G2ZCG8a8qXQ/s320/Picture+10.png" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5321372692729352786" /></a><div style="text-align: center;">Money</div></div><div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_TqHSIUBQSnM/SdlQRFbmxVI/AAAAAAAAAHA/gnT4ueCaa7w/s320/Picture+13.png"><br /><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 157px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_TqHSIUBQSnM/SdlQRFbmxVI/AAAAAAAAAHA/gnT4ueCaa7w/s320/Picture+13.png" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5321372689160914258" /></a><div style="text-align: center;">Cookie+Monster</div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_TqHSIUBQSnM/SdlOvxeSBJI/AAAAAAAAAGw/Fi_AXRYnIHo/s320/Picture+5.png"><br /><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 164px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_TqHSIUBQSnM/SdlOvxeSBJI/AAAAAAAAAGw/Fi_AXRYnIHo/s320/Picture+5.png" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5321371017356117138" /></a><div style="text-align: center;">McDonalds</div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_TqHSIUBQSnM/SdlOvpv1-5I/AAAAAAAAAGg/m7Uf9E4tHkw/s320/Picture+1.png"><br /><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 170px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_TqHSIUBQSnM/SdlOvpv1-5I/AAAAAAAAAGg/m7Uf9E4tHkw/s320/Picture+1.png" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5321371015282293650" /></a><div style="text-align: center;">Teeth</div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_TqHSIUBQSnM/SdlQRe7_bqI/AAAAAAAAAHY/Y7EHRMWTOqY/s320/Picture+9.png" style="text-decoration: none;"><br /><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 169px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_TqHSIUBQSnM/SdlQRe7_bqI/AAAAAAAAAHY/Y7EHRMWTOqY/s320/Picture+9.png" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5321372696007634594" /></a><div style="text-align: center;">Cocaine</div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_TqHSIUBQSnM/SdlQRpYLA0I/AAAAAAAAAHg/LA0yL3kksz8/s320/Picture+3.png"><br /><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 175px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_TqHSIUBQSnM/SdlQRpYLA0I/AAAAAAAAAHg/LA0yL3kksz8/s320/Picture+3.png" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5321372698810188610" /></a><br /></div><div><div style="text-align: center;">Nuns</div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_TqHSIUBQSnM/SdlQRLt2BYI/AAAAAAAAAHI/tYBSgMRrtmQ/s320/Picture+11.png"><br /><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 167px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_TqHSIUBQSnM/SdlQRLt2BYI/AAAAAAAAAHI/tYBSgMRrtmQ/s320/Picture+11.png" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5321372690848023938" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;">Bruise</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_TqHSIUBQSnM/SdlOwNvTfZI/AAAAAAAAAG4/wW-bgv4C05c/s1600-h/Picture+7.png" style="text-decoration: none;"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 183px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_TqHSIUBQSnM/SdlOwNvTfZI/AAAAAAAAAG4/wW-bgv4C05c/s320/Picture+7.png" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5321371024943709586" /></a><div style="text-align: center;">Swastika</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_TqHSIUBQSnM/SdlOv9_UCTI/AAAAAAAAAGo/zoiFZupu6j8/s1600-h/Picture+2.png"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 180px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_TqHSIUBQSnM/SdlOv9_UCTI/AAAAAAAAAGo/zoiFZupu6j8/s320/Picture+2.png" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5321371020715886898" /></a><br /><div style="text-align: center;">Ronald McDonald</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#0000EE;"><br /></span></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div>Dave Cliffordhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15903378850898970171noreply@blogger.com0