Sunday, January 2, 2011

New Year's Resolutions 2011:

1. Finally get accepted into the Bad Boy Club.

2. Figure out where babies come from. Then, start a hate group demanding that babies go back to where they came from and quit stealing our jobs!! 

3. Respond to every suggestion made to me thusly: However many awesome possums it takes to achieve said scenario. 

4. Successfully lobby the awarders of the Nobel Prize to finally, once and for all quit their passive-aggressive practices and include bells with their prize. I mean, what cheapskates!

5. Get more fabulous!

6. Become known as "Dave Clifford: a flash mob of one."

7. Create a new tincture blending spices from around the world; call it the Ethnic Cleanse. 

8. Improve categorization of the two-dimensional spatiotemporal power spectra of light scintillation in remote sensing of the upper troposphere. 

9. Start a book collection

10. If the Bad Boy Club thing doesn't work out, at least get accepted into one of those car window decal families. 

( Bonus: 11. Embrace and enact my new motto, "all the world is my locker room.")