The Good Ol' Daves

Way back in the early 1990's, while in college and living in the hippie repository called Boulder, Colorado, out of boredom, inspired by the jarring chaos of the L.A. riots and in some kind of existential crisis wherein I felt a necessity to fuck with the normals (as if they'd actually have their minds blown by something they couldn't understand) I ran for the university's student council under a false name and wearing a mask. The character's name was Brandon Panzram -- first name inspired by a lead character from the then popular teen drama Beverly Hills 90210 and last name by a longtime favorite serial killer, Carl Panzram.

A friend reminded me of this prank campaign recently and I "googled" the name, and found an article published in the student newspaper. Here's the full text:


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Masked Radical Seeks Office
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Article taken from the Campus Press, C.U.'s campus newspaper:

Masked Radical Seeks Office

By Michael Noe
Campus Press Staff Writer

A Masked man is mounting a campaign to "control and dominate" the
students of C.U., but he needs their support to do it.

Brandon Panzram, a senior philosophy and business major, is running
for one of five open positions as representative-at-large in the student
government Legislative Council.

Panzram (a false name) said he and 24 other members of his
"Mediocre Party" plan to unify and strengthen the student body by forcing
students to join their party or get "thrown out on some ridiculous charge."

"We will be able to manage larger-based control and domination from
the council," he said.

Panzram said he supports diversity and change, as the rest of the
candidates do. To ensure diversity, he said he wants to take people from
different segments of society and "corral them" to address their concerns
and problems.

Panzram said he wants to rid the campus of the business school and
art school.

His campaign flier asks, "are you in a band? Do you paint? You're
an artist?

"Art, along with God and culture, is dead. Creativity cannot be
taught, or even 'harnessed' as the pathetic art failures which teach it
will argue," the flier states.

He said he is using the spectacle of a false name and secret
identity to take over and dominate the media and eventually take control of
the student union.

Panzram said he would use the Imig Music building for blackjack
tables, since he advocates on-campus gambling. He would also use the
Sibell Wolle Fine Arts building for offices to retrain students who
"believe what they see and hear."

Other issues Panzram supports are:

- Declaring Tuesday Environmental Havoc Day.

- Declaring Thursday Vandalism Day.

- Requiring an all-school uniform. All students would be required to
wear "clean, pressed, logo-enhanced sexually androgynous work suits.

- Offering classes on how to maximize the efficiency of gun and drug
use.